Lover Ever So Funny
by 4fireking
Summary: Laughs, flashbacks, people being stupid. Greg has to get used to it because that's the world he lives in. But even in a world of outrageous elements there can still be a normal life for him. A love life. And it starts after he meets the Griffins. (co-author Harmony Valenka Smith).
1. Chapter 1

**This chapter was written by 4fireking and Harmony Valenka Smith. Harmony sent it to me in DocX. I'm finally going to have a Family Guy story that is more than one chapter. Thanks for listening.**

Chapter 1: Dead-End Job

God, I hate this job. This thought cycles through my mind at least once every day when I'm at work. I think it when I punch in, I think it whenever Greg surpasses me in sales or gets more into the boss's favor with his ass-kissing. Honestly, what does it take for me to get noticed around here? I've been working here for ten years (more than twice as long as Greg) and yet, here I am, still a fucking "sales associate."

" 'My computer's broken!' 'Do you have this in pink?' 'Your sign over there said it was on sale.' 'Where's your manager, young man?'" God. The only consolation: I'm actually good at this shit. Yeah, I can handle people real good. I'll be your door mat and make you happy, I'll tell you all the latest things on anything tech, but that does not mean I'll be happy about it.

Then, get this, more fuckers to make my day harder come in every day of the week. Yep, we're open 11AM-9PM on weekdays and from 12PM-5PM on weekends. I'm there nearly all the time. So, I wasn't surprised when a few dumbasses came walking into the store looking for a new TV.

"Look, Lois, it wasn't my fault. It was Chris," said one of them, a fatass.

"What? How could I do that? You were the one that suggested we play football in the house," said Chris, the smaller fatass.

"That didn't meant you had to agree with me, Chris. I didn't ask you to be with me," said the bigger fatass.

The woman, probably the bigger fatass's wife, looked taxed by the experience. I took the moment to look at the other members of the family: a baby, a dog, and a yowza! I looked at this… was it a girl? God, how do these people expect us to tell the difference? A girl can have a man's haircut and dress as a man and the question would come up. A man could dress in drag or have long hair and the question would come up. News flash: if you look too much like the other sex, wear a fuckin' t-shirt that tells us what you are. The only real clue I could get into this one was that she was wearing pink and looked too young to have gotten the surgery, so it had to be a girl… I think.

They came up to me and the woman asked, "Hello… Greg," she addressed me. Good, you looked at my nametag. That's always a nice start before a good bitch fest. "Our old TV got broken and we were wondering what you could recommend that would be good while also being… well, you know, economical."

Time to put on a show. I should get paid extra. "Of course, ma'am. Many American families are concerned with having the latest in technology, so that, of course, increases the demand. When the demand increases, so does the supply, so we should be able to find something pretty nice within your price range. I mean, we're not a country of savages, are we?" I asked with a smile.

"Oh, no, most certainly not," replied the woman.

"Come over here and I'll show you some of our TVs," I said. I turned off the light at my register and led them to our vast TV wall. "As you can see, we have plenty of flat screens and portable screens to choose from. We have everything you need from what you can hold in your hand, host a movie night, or even host an outdoor screening. For you, I would suggest this nice 30 inch flat screen. Look at that picture, I dare say it's one of the best ones here."

"Hey, what's that over there?" asked the bigger fatass. He pointed to our display indicating the new thing the company was working on.

"Oh, yeah, that. We're working on making a 5-D TV. If we can get it working, it will send out smells, tastes, and even let the audience touch what they're watching. The 3-D effect of 'stuff popping out of the screen' would already happen without the assistance of any 3-D glasses and, obviously, the picture and sound would be crisper and better than any other TV on the market. Of course, it's not very economical as it would cost $10 million," I said.

"$10 million?!" said the fatass.

"Yeah, that's what they tell me. Anyway, about that 30 inch; I think it would suit your family very well."

As I was showing the family the TV, unbeknownst to me, another person came in the store. I eventually saw her wandering around the TVs, so I thought that, after I was done with this family, I would help her. I mean, she was pretty hot-looking.

The family wound up going with the TV I had pitched them, despite the fatass's whining about the 5-D TV. Hey, perhaps, in 20 years, the 5-D TV will be cheap enough to be economical for America's middle-class and the thing for the wealthy will be where they actually go to those places. Huh. Teleportation. That might be a good thing to bring up at the next meeting.

So, after I had rung up the family, I went looking for the girl, but I couldn't find her. I went over to the TVs and made the three minute scan of the entire front of the store. There was no bathroom in our store, so she must have either a.) left or b.) snuck into the back. I glanced into the parking lot and saw a different car than of those who I knew worked here, so I knew it had to be her. I looked around the store again, just in case, before making my way into the back.

Now, truth was, we did have a somewhat-working prototype for the 5-D TV, but were trying to find a way to make it so that more people could buy it. I mean, sell to the wealthy and get rich once or sell to the middle-class and get wealthy over a lifetime. There was a whole room committed to the TV and all of the research behind it. This is where I found her.

"Hey, what are you doing back here?" I asked. She looked like a kid with her hand stuck in the cookie jar. She made a run for it, but I was able to stop her before she left the store. It was then that my boss walked up.

"Gregory, what do you think you're doing?" asked my boss. The old man always addressed people with their full names, never any shorts or nicknames.

"This woman was trying to steal intel on our project, sir," I said.

"Oh, really?" asked my boss.

"Please, I really needed a promotion and they said they would if I could get some information on this! I have two starving kids at home!" she pleaded.

"Well, that's not true," I said. Our boss had a policy against swearing in the workplace, so I substituted as politely as I could. "You've never had, but you've been had." Her eyes were full of shock that I even knew this.

Then, typical tactic for sympathy, she broke down crying. "I'm so sorry. I won't tell. Here! Take my notes. No promotion is worth this much trouble," she said. She handed me her notebook. Now, if she hadn't been so hot, I might have dismissed this moment entirely, but, for some reason, she just… captivated me.

"Well, that's all good and well, young lady, but you're going to need to do more than that," said my boss.

"What would you have me do? I'll do anything, just please don't tell my boss I got caught. It was supposed to be anonymous and you weren't supposed to know and neither were they," she said.

"Gregory, how would you like to keep an eye on this woman for a while? Call it a- now, what do you kids call it? Uh… a probationary period. You stick to each other like glue for two weeks, after which time the heat will have gone down… and perhaps, young lady, I'd consider getting a different job. Good day." My boss walked away. You sly-

"I-" she said.

"Yeah," I said.

"I'm Chase, short for Chastity," she said, extending her hand.

"I'm Greg, short for, well, you know," I replied, taking her hand and shaking it. We were quiet for a bit.

"So…"

"So…"

"Are we really gonna…?"

"What's the harm in hanging out a little? We already know each other."

"Okay. What do you wanna do?"

"I get off work tonight at eight. I know it doesn't leave much room for us to do anything, but we could probably go for a drive.

"A drive?"

"Yeah, sure. If you wanna."

"All right. I'd like that."

"Cool. See you later." She left and that was how it all began.


	2. Chapter 2

**I finally have the chance of getting back with Harmony Valenka Smith and finishing this story. If you see any spelling errors or have any suggestions please send a review.**

Chapter 2: Bad Date

I clocked out and changed my clothes. Chase was waiting for me outside. She had asked a friend to drop her off. We would now be going on our date.

Looking in the mirror in the break room, I tested my breath and fixed my hair. Eh, good enough I thought. It's not like I was bad to look at in the first place, so I didn't need to fix much. Somehow, though, I think it might have helped if I had been a blonde hunk instead of a normal looking guy with black hair who only worked out on weekends to keep up the illusion he was still playing football in high school. I had a stud on the left side of my nose and another in my left ear. Most girls hated those piercings, but I had my reasons for wearing them and I was not about to date anyone who couldn't understand me.

I headed for the door and waited for the worst. Girls always out-dressed and outshined me. Not that I care, they're supposed to do that with guys. I guess I just wanted to be seen with a woman as the two of us being together as a couple, not as a guy who's accompanying a hot woman waiting to be swept up by another, worthier man. As if.

When I saw Chase though… I could honestly say she looked unlike any of the other women I had dated in the past. She was dressed simply and tastefully in a pale yellow sundress. Though it was night, it seemed as if the sun was still shining when I looked at her. Her light red hair was held back with a hairband that matched her dress.

"Well…?" she asked bashfully.

"You look beautiful. I hadn't known the sun could shine at night until I saw you," I replied. She blushed and I smiled. I offered her my arm and said, "Shall we go?"

"Where are we going?"

"First, we'll have dinner, then we'll go see a movie. After that, we'll go for a drive. What happens from there is entirely up to us."

"Sounds good." She smiled. I opened the passenger door to my car and let her in before getting into the driver's side of my car. It started out nice and it seemed like it was going to be a good night.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I cannot let you in without a reservation," said the maitre-d.

"Come on, you don't know me, but the other guy always let me in when I had a woman on my arm. The cook knows me, the owner knows me, everyone here knows me. I was an apprentice here one summer and raised the roof on this place," I said.

"Regardless, sir, the place has been taken over by new management and we cannot allow just anyone in."

"Why wasn't I informed?"

"Perhaps your friends were not as good as you thought."

"Fine. I don't need this place. There are other joints in town."

It turns out that "other joint" was a pizza place that catered to kids, not adults. The food was always good and it was the only place that didn't turn me out on the spot. I had to keep my hands to myself the whole time we were there.

When we were in the car on the way to the theater, I said, "Well, the restaurant may have been a bust, but wait until you see this movie. It's been hyped up as one of the best romantic movies of the year and this theater has always been my go-to place ever since I was ten years old."

When we got there, the place was closed off with yellow tape and a sign on the doors read: "Pest Control Handling Bat Problem. Theater will be open again next week."

"The bats were always the best part though!" I said. "Picture this: a horror movie with everyone on the edge of their seats. Then, a scream as the audience whips around and sees a bat terrorizing a patron. Then, whoosh! Bats everywhere!" Chase laughed and I went on. "A romantic movie with the perfect wedding scene. On the screen, doves are released, in the theater, bats rain down from the ceiling and get into everyone's hair. Everyone floods out while a young teenager just sits and enjoys the empty room and the movie left behind."

"So… how about that drive?" asked Chase.

"Sure," I said.

We went for a drive up to a cliff that overlooked the city. The stars shone brightly and the moon was half-full. I put my arm around Chase and she huddled closer to me.

"Sorry this night was a bust," I said.

"Don't worry. I actually expected a lot worse. It was fun hanging out… a lot more fun than I thought it'd be," she replied. We laughed. "Well, I should be heading home. I got to get to work early tomorrow."

"Sure, no problem. I'll drive you."

It turns out, she lived in this apartment complex. "Oh, God, the light is on. My roommate is probably wanting to hear everything and won't let me sleep until I spill."

"Well, I won't keep you longer than you need to be. Good night," I said.

She kissed my cheek and said, "Good night."

When she left and I lost sight of her, I said, "Not bad. Not bad at all." The setting was never great, but it was her shining light that made the night great and made the date really good. I was in a better mood than I had been in a long time.

When I went home, I took a shower, then went and sat on the couch to watch some TV. My mind wandered between the program and the date I had just been on. What an idea! I thought. Though most of the things my boss dictated were for his own business, this seemed like he had truly done something for his employee for once: set me up with a girl. Then again… this might turn out badly. After all, she was in a rival company and things like that can't last long. Of course, I couldn't have expected the phone call I got the next morning.


	3. Chapter 3

**This was done with the co-author of the story Harmony Valenka Smith and that's a good thing. It's always a good thing when a co-author helps me. We were thinking this chapter would be ten chapters or less. Please read and review.**

XXX

Chapter 3: Sparkling Glances

I woke up to the alarm clock and got ready for a shower. I turned on my radio and turned it up to borderline blaring. I bobbed my head in time to the music and got in the shower. I was into the hard rock and roll more than anything else. That music that you couldn't help but move to: that was my jam.

I was drying off my head and walking around my apartment in the nude. The music was still blaring, so I barely heard my phone when it rang. Thankfully, it also lit up and vibrated whenever I got a call. I cranked the dial low and answered the phone.

"Hello?" I asked.

" _Greg, can you please come see me?_ " it was Chase.

"What's wrong?"

" _Just meet me at your work. Please?_ "

"Yeah, yeah, I'm on my way," I said, concerned. I had to be to work in a few minutes anyway. I whipped on my clothes, sprayed my cologne ahead of me, and jumped into it as I grabbed my keys and went out the door.

When I arrived, Chase was there. "What's wrong?" I asked again.

"I got fired from my job. My boss told me it was just as well that I don't come in today or ever again. He was disappointed that I didn't carry out the project to his liking," she said.

 _That's a dumb reason to fire you,_ I thought. What I said was: "Well, I'm sure you can find something else. You have more to you than even I know."

"Yeah." It was clear that there were things that she wanted to say, but didn't just as much as I did.

"Mr. Rand? Let's get to work, please," said my boss.

"All right," I told him. To Chase I said, "Well, I'll see you around?"

"Yeah… definitely." With resolution, she left.

My boss had come up behind me and watched her leave. "So, how did last night go?"

"It went fine. She got fired from her job, so we won't have to worry about her anymore," I said.

"Good on that front. It's just as well. I hate thievery. On the other front, let's hope this lasts." My boss gave a knowing wink at me.

My only reply was: "Okay." It was odd how two men or two women would suddenly form a bond for the sake of helping the other get laid. Not that I thought Chase would go to bed with me. Who was I, after all? She might even blame me for losing her job. But then why did she come to my workplace just to tell me she had gotten fired? There wasn't any scorn in her voice nor her eyes that would indicate she blamed me. And yet… and yet… I had no idea.

The rest of the day went on as usual. We were training a new person, I noticed. I also noted how young he looked. _He won't last long,_ I thought. Boy, was I wrong.

About three days after that, (the monotony only being broken up by visits from Chase) my boss pulled me aside and, after some bullshit about how good of a worker I was, how totally-not-personal this was, and that I would find another job soon, surely, I was fired. So, on the next day, I slept in. Getting fired had me too depressed to get up. I slept until I was sure I couldn't sleep anymore.

I heated up a meal in the microwave and munched it slowly, basking in my loneliness. I was about halfway through when my phone rang. I picked it up and nearly choked when I heard Chase on the line. I swallowed quickly and tried to regain my cool.

"Hey, Chase, what's up?" I asked, trying and failing at hiding the feelings I felt.

"What's wrong? I went to see you at work today, but you weren't there… were you fired?" she asked.

"I guess we're both in the same boat now."

"Hey, cheer up. Things will work out."

"Yeah." It was quiet for a minute or two. It was a long enough silence that I asked, "You still there?"

"Yeah, I just thought you might have needed a moment."

"I'm good."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

More silence followed before she came out with, "Say, I know just what'll help the both of us get out of the dumps. We're free people now and we should celebrate."

"What were you thinking?"

"My roommate just won three tickets to Vegas. Her boyfriend broke up with her, so I asked if I could bring you." She must have sensed my hesitation because she added, "Don't worry, we'll be in different rooms. I made that perfectly clear to her that I wanted time with you."

Perfect phrasing, perfect timing, perfect in every way. "Sounds good."

"Great! Pack your bags, we leave tonight. I'll come by your place and we'll head to the airport." After giving her my address and getting more particulars in where and how long we were going to stay, I began packing. Within ten minutes, I was ready to go. I heard a gentle knock on my door and I opened it to find Chase. My sunshine, my light in my darkness. We were off to Vegas.

All the way there, I couldn't help marveling at how lucky I was. She was so right for me. I didn't know how she felt for sure, but I knew there was something about how we were together. Yet, I couldn't deny how different we were. Even from the short times we had spent together, I noticed how amazing it was that we got along. It was our differences though that must have united us. She was the candle and I, the shadow.

When we got on the plane, I whipped out my i-Pod. I gave her one earbud and I had the other. Once "Savin' Me" played, I knew from her looking at me that it had become our song. We clung close for nearly the entire flight.


	4. Chapter 4

**I would like to thank my co-author for helping me write this chapter and I wish this chapter could be sent earlier but I believe you readers should be happy it was sent. Please read and review.**

Chapter 4: A Hot Time in Vegas

We spent the first night just being tourists. We gambled, we gorged on food, we had some drinks, but most of all, we had a lot of fun. Everywhere you went, it was either a casino, a buffet, a hotel, a wedding chapel, or some combination of these things. The lights were bright, some of them blinding, but all of them amazing.

Chase and I talked and goofed around. We often forgot there was a third person with us. It wasn't until our third casino that Chase said, "Hey, you know what?"

"What?" I asked, feeling goofy and a little drunk.

"We're in Vegas, we ought to do something spontaneous and textbook… well, Vegas," said Chase. She wasn't completely sober either.

I thought for a moment before giving a reply: "Nude bar?" I asked, feeling the corny grin cross my face.

"No," said Chase punching my arm. I laughed. She leaned close and whispered to me, "We ought to get married."

"What?!" I stumbled backward in surprise. I went for the stool behind me, but wound up collapsing on the floor.

"Come on," said Chase. Before I knew it, she had my hand and was dragging me off to a wedding chapel. Now, while I wasn't able to form my words or actions that well, I was still coherent enough to figure out what was going on and I knew I was going to remember it all tomorrow, if only after a few moments. I was aware that our "pastor" was an Elvis impersonator impersonating the later years of Elvis, big gut and all. I knew how crazy this all was and I think Chase knew too, but I still couldn't help the fact that I said those two sealing words:

"I do."

I was aware that Chase had said them too and, in my mind, I thought it was all so crazy and backward and not at all how I would have wanted it to go, but… it felt okay. It wasn't ideal, no, but it felt okay. My mind kept screaming no for the rest of the night… until the door closed on the room that Chase and I were staying in. Then, every atom in my body screamed YES!

"Why don't you go wait over there? I'll be right out," said Chase. She giggled girlishly and went into the bathroom. I smiled and gave a small chuckle. The fog of alcohol was gradually clearing, but I knew how incoherent I still was in regards to my situation and actions. This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy, I thought. Then, Chase came out of the bathroom in something see-through and form-fitting. Fuck, yeah, went my brain. I stood up and I went over to her. I stood over her and felt her cheek with my thumb.

There are a million combinations for words, most of which would have been acceptable. I think I said one of the most awkward combos. "Man, you're hot," came out of my mouth. Chase, however, didn't see it as awkward, she just giggled in that amused way she did. We both smiled and kissed. The excitement of the night, the drunk of the alcohol, and the high of the situation led us into each other's arms. Our clothes quickly fell to the bedside and there were no lights on except the one in the bathroom (which was one of those automatic timer ones that neither of us knew how to turn off).

It was all impulse, all instinct and carnal desire, that moved us that night. My kisses upon her perfect C-cup chest, her smooth stomach, her freckly ass (only place on her with freckles), and her wanting lips. God, I couldn't get enough of her. Her hands caressed, reached, and stroked my body in all the right ways. I moaned my approval at about the same volume as she did hers. I couldn't wait for that long and sweet "perfect first" that every romance novel lives off of. I went right in and, although Chase looked instantly pained, I was able to wait just long enough to where the pain subsided from her face. Then, I began ramming full speed. I needed this done and I needed it done now. I needed Chase. I needed to make her mine. Some carnal, primal instinct told me that this was important, that my very manhood was at stake here.

* * *

"Pottery showing here for $255.00. This fascinating piece of-" The situation had changed and it was on some sort of shopping channel.

"Oh, this is much better, Dad. Now I don't have to think about doing extra masterbating- I mean homework later," said Chris.

"I don't know what the hell happened," said Peter.

"Peter, I think you're sitting on the remote again," said Lois.

"Oh, that's what that was? I thought it was a brownie," said Peter. He lifted his ass and reached under it. Sure enough, there was the remote.

"How were we able to turn it on in the first place? God, I can't believe how this family functions with this much stupidity," said Stewie.

Brian sighed and shook his head. He looked off-screen and asked, "Are we ready to continue this? I want to have the ability to think about this later without a long interruption."

"We should be good to go now," said someone off-screen.

"All right, that's good then. Sorry, everyone, I'm sorry," said Brian to more people off-screen. An audience was heard giving sighs of disappointment.

"Okay, let's get back to the show," said Peter, pushing a button on his remote.

* * *

We both called out. I was vaguely aware that she had said my name and I praised whatever gods there were for giving me this night, this moment. I managed, with an effort, to fall to my side. Chase didn't let go and I was still inside of her. She smiled naughtily and said, "Again?"

I shrugged. "Eh, why not?" I instantly flipped over and began screwing her again and again and again. The bed shook violently with our lovemaking, but that was the only other thing besides Chase that I was aware of. I would find out the next morning that, among the hangover headache, I could also add a headache for the bill that would have to be paid for the damage made to the wall.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to Harmony Valenka Smith this fifth chapter is published and ready for your eyes to read. The main reason this Family Guy fanfiction features OC's is I'm not quite up to date with the Family Guy cartoon. Thank you and I hope you like this chapter.**

Chapter 5: A Different View

Las Vegas, Nevada. Most people went there to lose themselves. People come here because it is the one place you can sin your ass off and no one will care about it. Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, as the saying goes. People get rich, poor, married, and divorced in this city. What was I here for? I was here for answers.

The last time I was in Vegas, I was with Brian. He… died… but then he came back. My teleportation device created copies of ourselves. We wound up with the same number of me's and Brian's that we began with, but there was still death. Was I even the original Stewie? Was Brian the original Brian? Did it even matter? He had mentioned that his Stewie and he had won big. Maybe I might get that lucky.

I swung down on my grappling hook. The sounds and smell of the city began to flood my senses. I vaguely heard some more familiar sounds. I went closer. I heard the name 'Greg.'

"What a douche name," I muttered. I would have continued on my path, but I saw a flash of light from across the way. I swung over to investigate.

"That's it… that'll do it," the man said.

"Do you think she'll spill?" asked another.

"She'll have to… or we'll make him spill. Either way, we're not losing another quarter to his company."

Intriguing. Perhaps I should see what I can do. I peered into the room and saw equipment from Basik Tech. Their competitor must be Lazer Tech. If that is the case, these bastards are going down. I was no supporter of Basik Tech's sub-standard equipment. Therefore, I would do what I could to see them burn. But first…

* * *

It was morning. Chase and Greg had just enjoyed a wonderful night together. Chase's cell rang and she sleepily went to answer it.

"Hello?" she muttered groggily.

"Meet me in the lobby. We need to talk." It was a man that Chase recognized as being her boss. Before she could say anything, he hung up. She sighed deeply and regretfully moved out of the bed and quickly got dressed. She thought she was getting her job back or at least an apology for the unnecessary treatment he gave her on her last day.

When Chase arrived in the lobby, she found her boss waiting there. He looked impatient. She went up to him and greeted him as warmly as she could.

"Cut the crap, Chastity," he told her.

"Okay…" she said.

"Tell us what you found out."

"Found out? What do you mean?"

"You don't need to lie or pretend with me, Chastity. We've worked together for far too long for that to work anymore. You slept with one of our competitor's employees to get information on their new product. So?"

"So? I didn't get any information about that. I don't even care about that anymore. I slept with him because we got married. I got married to him because, well, I love him."

"Love? You are in love with one of our competitors?"

"No, I'm in love with one of your competitors. I don't work for you anymore, remember?"

Her old boss sputtered in anger. "Chastity, you will give us the information we need… or else…"

"Are you threatening me?"

"Perhaps. You've always been such a good employee, Chastity. I promise, if you tell us what we need to know, we'll bring you back and raise your pay."

"Oh, please, you can't even afford to do that."

"You'd be surprised what a desperate man is able to afford. So, Chastity, won't you?" He extended his hand.

"No. I refuse to sell him out to you."

"Very well. Know that you have forced my hand… something which you will come to regret." Before Chase could say more, one of her former co-workers came up behind her with a rag of chloroform. She was out in an instant. She was then taken away to an old, abandoned Basik Tech store on the fringe of Vegas.

Greg, meanwhile, had awoke in the hotel room. His hangover was significantly stronger than he had expected it to be. How much did I have to drink last night? He thought. In an instant, it all came rushing back, along with the hangover headache.

"Chase and I… got married?!" He looked to his hand and discovered the ring. "Oh, shit…" he said. Then, he remembered how great last night had been. The bed rocked all night. Of course that meant… he looked to see the wall damaged from the bed frame hitting it. After another swear, he got up and shoved his clothes on.

He went into the bathroom and brushed out his mouth and teeth. The booze taste wasn't wearing away in any way. After a shower though, he felt a little better. Some aspirin and cold water didn't hurt either.

He had expected to see Chase in his bed by the time he got back, but she wasn't there. What the hell? He thought. Was I really that bad… or that good? His mind was muddled and he couldn't think clearly. He figured that if she really cared, she'd return. She probably just went to get them breakfast. She could have also been visiting her roommate in her room.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door that heightened his headache. He went to answer it as soon as possible. He looked down and saw a small child in a yellow shirt and red overalls.

"Hey, little guy, did you get lost?" he asked.

"No, I most certainly am not lost. I know precisely where I am. I don't need you coddling me. If you're with Lazer Tech, you need to get down to Basik Tech. They plan to kill someone. I will only help because I know you need it. Now, follow me," said the child. Unfortunately, Greg didn't understand the child.

"Here, let's see if we can find your parents. This is no place for kids."

"You're right. This isn't a place for kids. So, let's get going before I change my mind." The child, Stewie, grabbed Greg's hand and began dragging him off. Greg didn't know where the child would take him. He was getting worried. He needed to make sure nothing bad happened. He was not going to be responsible, he decided. Of course, he couldn't control responsibility from this point on. Things were about to get really sketchy and he needed to, if only temporarily, forget the laws of man and go by the law of the jungle.


	6. Chapter 6

**This chapter was written by my coauthor Harmony Velenka Smith. Although it's a short story it has so much humor and charm to me thanks to the help of Harmony. This is the last chapter and I hope you had a fun time reading. Always a fanfiction writer but not a legit career yet I am 4fireking and I hope you like this chapter.**

Chapter 6: Bad-Ass Time

I always had a plan, except now. Now, it was a whole different game. Now, I was going to do some things that could put me in jail. I was going to do some things that could get me killed. I was just about ready to follow the little tyke, but when I looked down, he was gone.

When I looked up again, I realized I was in the lobby of the hotel. I also realized that loud-mouth at the desk was familiar to me. Then, I remembered. That kid… that's his dad.

I went over to the man and his three friends (a black, a pervert, and a cripple). "Hey, I just saw your kid running around here," I said to him.

"Which one?" he asked.

"The little one, the baby," I said.

"That's impossible. There's no way our kid could get from Rhode Island to Las Vegas before we could," he said.

I shrugged. "Maybe not, but it sure looked an awful lot like him."

"Well, Peter, maybe you better call Lois and make sure Stewie's all right," said the cripple. "We wouldn't want anything bad to happen."

It was then I remembered Chase. "Aw, crap, I gotta get goin'," I said.

"Hey, what's the rush?" asked the fatass.

"We were actually just talking about adding a fifth man to our group," said the black guy.

"As much as I'd like to hang out with you guys, I really have to get goin'," I said.

"Oh, I get it, it's a wife thing, isn't it?" asked the pervert.

"Yeah…" I said, scratching the back of my head.

"Aw, let the nag wait a few extra minutes. I think we can spare them. Can you?" asked the fatass.

"Come on, we'll even buy you a beer," said the cripple.

Jeez, these guys are persistent. "Look, I'm gonna be honest with you. My wife's in serious trouble and I need to help her," I said.

"Well, hey, Joe's a cop and the rest of us are pretty good in a fight too. Why don't we help?" asked the fatass.

I sighed. I wasn't going to shake them. It was almost as if some cosmic force were pulling us together. That's a little disgusting. "I appreciate the help, actually. My name's Greg, Greg Rand," I said.

The fatass introduced himself as Peter Griffin; the black guy was Cleveland Brown; the pervert was Glenn Quagmire; and the cripple was Joe Swanson. They seemed excited about the "adventure." We all got in Peter's car and drove to the place where I knew they had to be keeping Chase: Basik Tech.

We got out of the car and I said, "This is where she used to work. They're probably after her for inside information. Basik and Lazer have been enemies ever since the beginning."

I imagined it couldn't have been very long ago that the companies were founded, but everything that I had ever seen in employee training led me to believe they were much older. They were at least as old as silent films, since half of our training video was a silent film.

"Were you trying to set up a cutaway?" asked Peter.

"I don't think so. I was just thinking about how we were going to get in here," I said.

"The front door ever occur to you?" asked Quagmire. "God, it's not rocket science."

I had a feeling he and I wouldn't get along. Ever. "Well, Mr. Rocket Scientist, let's go in."

We went in through the front door. It gave out a loud creak as we went in. The place was abandoned, but there was still equipment around, as if the place had only closed recently. "Shitty location," I said.

"Location is important," said Cleveland.

"It wasn't just the location," came a voice. We all turned. None of us had said that. "Over here." A man emerged from the shadows. "Gregory, Chastity has told us so much about you. Everything we never wanted to know. Perhaps, now that you're here, she'll be more accommodating."

"Kinda hard to be accommodating when you're dead," said Joe. He pulled out his gun and pointed it at the man.

"You're not really going to shoot me, are you?" asked the creep. "We wouldn't want poor Chastity to get hurt now, would we?"

From out of the shadows came two men, holding Chase back. "Greg!" she shouted.

"Chase!" I cried.

"Now, you will give us the secrets to your success… or else," said the creep.

"Don't listen to them, Greg! Think about your job, your future!" said Chase.

"Chase, I don't give a fuck about my job. I had that place to survive. I don't want that anymore. I want to live. My future is with you. Who cares what happens next?" I asked.

"Well, Gregory, time is ticking," said the man. "Start talking." Before anything more could be said, the men holding Chase got shot. We weren't able to pinpoint who was shooting or from where though. Chase ran to me and, in that moment, the other guys let loose.

"Oh, Greg, I'm so glad you're here," said Chase.

"Yeah, some trip to Vegas this was," I said. The guys were doing okay with the fight, but, hey, I figured I might as well join in. "Wanna kick the crap out of your old boss?"

"Hell yes," she replied. That's why I love her. I smiled and we joined the fight.

Well, when all was said and done, the lackeys died from their bullet wounds. We never found out who the shooter was and we probably never will. Chase's old boss got arrested for assault as well as kidnapping. He threatened he would get out and get revenge on us, but I didn't think much of it. Prison can do things for and to someone that can reset priorities. Plus, the guy was old, so it wasn't like he was going to last long anyway.

After all that was done, one of the biggest romantic clichés happened: it started to rain and Chase and I kissed. If there's a bigger cliché than kissing in the rain, I can't think of it. We ran through the rain, happy, like two kids. We were married and in love. What can I say?

Anyway, we spent a lot of time with Peter and his friends, especially when we got back to Quahog. I quit my job and Chase and I got a better gig. It was more fun and paid more cash. When Chase talked to me about getting a place of our own, I knew right where to go: Spooner Street. Those guys were a little nuts at times, but they were good friends.

After being married for a year, we adopted a kid. Chase had been begging me for a while, but I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could. That, and I wasn't looking forward to losing "us". It turns out, "us" was better the more people were included in it. This proved especially true when Chase told me she was pregnant.

Things are better than ever. I never knew life could turn out this great. Challenges reach us every day and we deal with them. Peter will run by our house shouting about some strange scheme. Quagmire tries to chase after my wife (unsuccessfully, I might add). Chase won't go near him. Cleveland's nice, but there are just some things I'll never understand. Joe's a good man too. He is someone who our adopted one sees as a role model. The guy doesn't let his disability keep him from being who he wants to be. It's great our kid is taking after him the most.

I don't know what's next for us. Life is great in that way. It shows us things we'd never expect. Every day is an adventure. I have a good wife, a good son, and I look forward to seeing my baby girl for the first time. It's amazing how far I've come and it's amazing how this all began. Life is a great and strange force, but the same can be said for love… with the addition of some humor.


End file.
